Chaos.
It’s such a small word, yet it engulfs my entire being. Ever since I was a kid my mind was filled with chaos. The decision of choosing how to live my life, even though I did everything for others, weighed upon me since the age of 10. I found out my parents didn’t like each other. Chaos. My parents didn’t love me the way other parents loved their kids. More chaos. Still, I had to smile, had to prove my worth (which I did), I had to be the happiest persona to avoid chaos....which led to even more Chaos. What to do?
It’s been many years now, still learning how to navigate life and all the chaos in my mind. I am very well aware that I can never reveal this, to no friend or psychiatrist. They may soothe it but nobody can eradicate the chaos in my mind. It’s interesting to note how many times I use the same word over and over “Chaos”, but this is how it plagues my so.
People recommend me to lie down, close my eyes and rest…but all I see behind my darkened eyelids is CHAOS.
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