How Life Feels Right Now in Happenings and Thoughts

It’s the early morning and I’m exhausted. But I can’t sleep. I have work in the morning but even that motivation won’t help me to fall asleep. I’m upset at something that I should have seen coming. I wanted to start a relationship with someone that I have been rejecting for years. It’s complicated. But I found out a few hours ago that he is in a semi relationship with someone else. I knew it would happen but I didn’t think it would happen now. She’s older than him, has her life together and has kids. He has none of that. Him and I are the same age and I’m upset and now feeling like a fool. I should have taken the opportunity but here we are. I have nobody else to blame but myself. I feel trapped in life right now. I’m stuck living with my mom and I don’t have a way out. I don’t make enough at my job to even afford paying rent, and still pay my bills and feed my dog. I barely have enough for that. I share a shitty ass car with her that breaks down all the time and my boyfriend of two years cheated on me so I ended it. Needless to say, my life is suffocating right now. I wish I could change it but I know right now there is no way to. On top of that, my medical needs are becoming so stressful I would rather not think about them but I can’t ignore it. My chances of having kids and going down every day and I have had scans and surgeries to correct this and it seems with every single thing the worse it becomes and the bigger the mess is. I’m tired. And I don’t know what to do anymore except just go with the motions and hope for the best. My life is just a bunch of maybe’s right now.