bleepbloop in 2022

I still don’t get how life works and how people just get used to living a certain way. How can I do that? I wish I could know what or who I am. I’m envious of people with a sense of self and long term ambitious goals. I don’t have anything concrete I can latch on to. I wish I had a normal family. When I used instagram it loved showing me videos of parents and kids just having fun together. I used to start crying embarrassingly every time I saw those videos. It wasn’t like a sad crying, more like a Oh, this is so terribly sweet and I wish I had that but I’m so happy for them crying. Maybe that’s why I get attached to my friends very deeply, they’re my chosen family. I guess it still doesn’t have the same exact charm of having a loving family but it works. I love my friends so much. They keep me afloat. I wish they were nearer and we could meet like we used to. Now everyone is off to different states. Ah, now I miss them okay I’ll send them a text letting them know how much I love and miss them. I haven’t made many friends here, well except my (sort of) boyfriend because I don’t want to. I mean new friendships can be exhausting and I’m content with the arrangement I have now. Speaking of him, well it’s so weird I don’t know. I don’t understand why he likes me. I know attraction isn’t solely based on external looks but it does matter, right? I’m quite literally in one of my worst phases of my life, I have so much acne, I don’t put makeup because I look like a clown whenever I try and I’m really sick these days. He does talk to a lot of people/friends? ( including other very pretty girls ). I don’t want to ruin this because of my insecurities and stuff. I still like him a lot for who he is and I hope he does too. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts and I’ll be grateful to him for giving me this experience :)
I’m listening to Myth and it’s so soothing, Beach House is the best for times like these.