A little tiff. in So Far Away

Saturday, he was doing some yard work, while I was tending to the house.
Every few months I clean out his brief case, and give it a good cleaning.
This was nothing new for me to do, I went ahead and opened it.
I found something new that I’ve never seen before, in fact, I’ve never even heard of it.
It was something called, “MANSCAPED: Crop Mop”
They looked like little wet naps that you can get at restaurants to greasy food off of your hands. The description read: “World’s First On-The-Go Individually Wrapped Ball Wipes, Anti-Chafing Male Hygiene Body Wipes, Cleaning Wipe Designed for The Male Groin Area with Refreshing Aloe Vera”
I am not going to lie, my panic and anger went through the roof.
Why on earth did he need something like this?!
I went ahead and cleaned his briefcase as normal, not only to finish the job, but to see if I found anything else. Which I didn’t.
I waited for him to come inside and I asked to speak with him.
I presented him with the wipes and asked why they’re in his briefcase, why he needed to be “fresh”?
He said he uses them after sitting in meetings for a while, and he uses them before he comes home to me. I had a hard time believing him.
I had a bit of a melt down, and ranted all of the things that had been bothering me.
Him buying flowers for “Vieve” for throwing a party, well I’ve thrown many parties in our 11 years together. He never bought me a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.
Why does he need to freshen up before coming home to me? We rarely do anything like that anyway, this job has killed our s*x life.
Him praying with them…why? Never once has he expressed interest in such a thing, why partake now?
His changed ways entirely since he started his new position, and made new friends with all of them.
He didn’t have much to say, he stood there and listened to me rant and rave all of my insecurities and suspicions.
He apologized for making me feel this way, and said he understands why all of these things tied together would make me think so.
Why does he make it so hard to be angry with him?
He took the wipes out of his briefcase and threw them away.
I retorted that he could just go buy more, or already have a stash of them in his office.
He says he doesn’t have more, and doesn’t intend to buy more - I just scoffed at him and shrugged. I can’t do anything but take his word for it.
I wanted to ask him if I could look through his phone, but I already felt crazy.
Amos called a little while after our talk, and he let it go to voice mail.
I told him he could have answered it, I didn’t want to spend the day with him anyway.
He looked hurt by this statement, and excused himself to his office.
Yes, I felt bad, but I was still confused and upset from earlier.
I could hear his text message noise going off quite a few times, I wanted to scream.
Who was he texting? Amos? ......Sarah?
His phone rang again, and he answered. He was relatively quiet and not talkative, the other person must have been talking a lot. “Mmmhmm” and “yeah” was his most popular words.
He hung up and resumed the silence in his office, this time there were no text message noises.
I found reasons to walk by his office, he was working on a project for work. He was undisturbed by me walking by.
Hours and hours rolled by, he stayed in his office.
I cooked dinner, and told him it was ready. He came out and joined me at the table, but once again we ate in silence.
He helped me clean after dinner, and then he went back to his office without a word.
I finally asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. I asked why he had secluded himself in his office, and he said he was respecting my wishes for space.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE MAD AT HIM?!