Cautious Steps in Genesis

Today began four hours after the last one finished. Our Great Dane pup, Millie, needed to relieve herself. Thankfully my partner was also waking to help his parents in their apple orchard. He took over while I eagerly searched for more sleep.
A few hours later I began my day. I chose house work over orchard work. The season is done and now it’s time to clean the orchard. It’s a warm fall day and the trees need to be shaken. All the orphaned apples unceremoniously quaked from their mothers. Left behind by pickers on warmer days destined now to be bagged and used as bait for hunters.
I chose housework over orchard work as it leaves me where I am most happy. Alone. I can think. Leave my mind to wander and at times try to make sense, dare I say peace with who I am, where I am and most assuredly, from where I come.
Being alone is also a large facet of my shadow work. I love it. I’m comfortable and it’s what I know best. What I grew to know best. It’s also what I want most but yet know better. Being lonely while self isolating as a way of life is difficult. Other times it’s just that I want to be alone, with “you”… over “there”… being quiet. I want to be alone with the presence of you. Isolation is a gift and a curse.
Too much of anything can cross the line from healer to killer. I think on many of those lines I am slowly crossing my way over to my own eternal rest. I’m hoping that this journal will be a tool to help ease the way back. A grappling hook tossed over the line to help haul my ass back to being who I was meant to be.