She can't buy ordinary crisps, can she? No, she has to get the ponciest hipster-fodder she can get her hands on. "Lime and Black Pepper"! What is this shit? "Cracked Sea Salt"! "Mature Cheddar and Red Onion"! What the fuck is wrong with smoky bacon?
Everything is getting poncier by the second in this country. Even the fucking supermarkets are getting in on the action, with "Taste The Difference" and other middle-class crap that makes you think that you're somehow of a higher class just because you spend more money on what is essentially repackaged own-brand crap. "Oh, well, yes, my eggs are the exact same as your eggs, but they're from the Free-Range, We-Let-Our-Chickens-Run-About-For-An-Hour-A-Day-Before-Stuffing-Them-Back-Into-A-Cage, Hoity-Toity-Wannabe Range, which makes us super-duper special!"
Fuck that shit. I don't give a flying fuck how special your Goddamn crisps are, they'll never beat Walkers cheese and onion! But I have a girlfriend who is slightly upper-middle class (even though she does a great job of hiding it) so I have to put up with Kettle Chips and motherfucking "organic" bacon.
Organic. Another stupid fucking word that doesn't seem to fit. All fucking food is fucking organic, you stupid hippie sonsabitches! All of it! What, you think I eat carbon food? I know, hipsters, it refers to food that doesn't have chemicals in them, but suck my dick, chemicals are present in nature. That "organic" tobacco you're smoking? Still contains nicotine, dumbass. Your beer may be organic, dumb fuck, but it's still going to kill your liver, so piss off.
No, seriously, piss off.
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