10-13-22 in *life as it is*

He talked to me.
Once we ended things (well more like he ghosted me) i was devastated. After eight months, and my first kiss, it was all reduced to nothing but an unrequited love.
All i did was cry, and cry, and cry. But only in private, i can’t let the world know what’s in my head, well… i can’t let the world know it’s MY head. This diary, or blog, or whatever it is doesn’t count.
We didn’t talk at all during the Summer break. All I could think about was “Why?”. Eventually, on the last day of Summer break, I finally mustered the strength to talk to him. I asked if he felt anything at all for me. . .anything. . . He replied with “there’s nothing.”
Well thanks for that. Anyway I’m already my first semester in since school started. And though we started out awkward, we are starting to talk a bit more. Strangers to friends. Friends into lovers. Into strangers again. We’re working on the friends part again.
He used to be my best friend. The guy i always went to with a corny joke, or when i was in need of a conversation, and even someone who pushed me to be a better person (in a healthy way. Well, except i never went to him with my problems because i have a lot of those. . . ).
Today as i was leaving practice, he was there at the school to pick up his little sister. And while he was near the door, I got into my car ready to drive home (I seriously couldn’t stop looking at him, like i WANT him to notice me again). As i was pulling out of the parking lot of my school, i couldn’t help but look over one last time, only to be met with his distant eyes staring back.
I know I’m just being hopeful and stupid. . . so fucking stupid, but I hope he comes to like me again, i miss being happy with him.