September 30th, 2022 in drama, updates and rants on my life.

Struggling from so many different physical and mental things. I broke up with my boyfriend last week, not actually wanting to lose him. I just wanted him to see he needs to change and I’ve tried so many different ways to show him this. He downloaded a dating app 3 hours after me dumping him and i’m struggling to overlook that. we are back together but im struggling. I am also trying to get into therapy because I and many others are strongly convinced that I am struggling with bpd. I am also struggling to fully get over the past, today marks one year i’ve been on my own, my dad was abusive and my mom kicked me out so it’s alot to get over. my mom constantly abandons me. things get hard and my mom is just gone, she runs like a child. I have been struggling recently with nerve damage, my ankle is healed wrong and I have been diagnosed anemic. It is very difficult lately, I don’t know who to trust, I feel really bad about dumping my boyfriend, he will stay up with me while I cry in pain, he helped me through my pregnancy scare, he feeds me, reassures me every 10 minutes when I need it, holds me when I cry for no reason, and so much more. I had a slight feeling to just have fun and not care what happened to my life and 3 days later I had regretted everything that happened, I just couldnt understand what was happening. I constantly think that everyone is leaving me but I pushed him away, it’s my fault. Am I in the wrong to feel upset that 3 hours later he was trying to replace me though? I just feel so betrayed.