Aaron and I decided to turn down the job offer. I'm disappointed, because it was a fabulous opportunity for me, professionally, but we just didn't have the financial cushion to allow us to make a move right now. I think the job recruiter was disappointed, but she asked my permission to keep my information close at hand so that if anything else came up, she could give me a call.
I'm still struggling with that decision, and frustrated that, once again, a lack of money has prevented me from improving life for my family. I really try not to be all "woe is me, we're poor" blah, blah, because life really isn't like that. We have learned to live within our means, to not purchase things we don't need, and to enjoy a simpler lifestyle. Life isn't miserable and bleak because we don't fit the standard income ideal for a family of five. We have fun, our bills get paid, and our kids have everything they need (note: need, not want. There's a difference.). I'm sure if we lived a "keeping up with the Jones's" lifestyle, constantly had to have the newest of everything, and believed in carrying debt around, I would feel very poor indeed. I just know that, instead, I am grateful to have a home that can't be taken from me, three healthy beautiful children, and a large extended family close by.
But, I would be lying if I said that it never bothers me. I'm constantly growing, practicing self improvement, and just generally always trying to become a better human being, but it's a struggle to let go of some of that bitterness. And a lot of that is left over from childhood, so its a bit more difficult to get rid of.
I just think of all the wonderful things I could have done for the kids with the salary I just passed on. sigh I know there will be other opportunities, but I'm taking my time to properly mourn this one. I REALLY wanted to take that job.
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