a day of recovery in Naomi's World

I spent today mostly in my room with no phone, coming down off of ice by myself lol. It wasn’t that bad, especially compared to last night. I definitely needed to rest physically and mentally after going through all the bullshit I went through. Basically my ex, J, who I was with for like 6-7 months had ghosted me completely back in April right, shit broke my fucking heart dawg. Fast forward to last week, we hadn’t spoken or seen each other since he “left” me (mf didn’t even have the guts to actually break up with me), and I didn’t really think we would ever end up talking again after that bullshit. But one day last week, my friend K, who is a mutual friend between J and I, asked to hang out, so I came to see her and J ended up asking to hang out. So we went over there and him and I kind of reconnected a little bit while chilling, enough so that when I went to drop K off back home, he hit me up afterwards to link up just him and I. Being the heartbroken simp that I am, I took my ass back over there and we reconnected hard as fuck. He was saying he missed me, he was sorry for all the pain he caused me, that he couldn’t trust any of these other girls like me, etc. He was being all touchy and lovey dovey and affectionate to me, kissing me, holding me, we fucked like 3 times, and then slept that night holding each other. Fast forward to a few days ago, less than a week after our reconnection, and I brought up over text that I knew his feelings might not be the same for me anymore, but that I still was working on getting over it but that time will do its thing, to which he responded “You right”, which was enough for me as fuck. Basically, he subtly confirmed that he didn’t feel the same towards me anymore. So why the fuck did he treat me like he was still head over heels in love with me just a few nights before? Because he knew I would fuck him. Disgusting. Anyways, so then last night he asked me, K, and our friend C to come chill, so we did, and he proceeded to act like he didn’t give a fuck about me of course. But then later that night, he asked me to take K home and for me to pull back up to chill with him and C, so I did and was so excited because I figured he wanted to spend some time with me and maybe, even if it was just him being drunk, we could just cuddle and/or fuck, but nah. I take K home and come back, and J tells C and I that he finna go take a shower and come back so we could all start taking shots and getting lit. Tell me why almost 2 hours go past and he still isn’t back from the shower, so I go outside to check on him and what do I see? Him with a bitch fresh out the shower in a robe and a towel around her head walking into his house (: Shit HURTED dawg, no cap. So they go inside, I’m on the porch just frozen with rage and pain because this mf told me specifically to come over last night to chill knowing he could’ve just told me to head out, and knowing how I feel about him he brings a bitch to his crib, showers with her, and brings her up to his room. So I immediately run up there mad as fuck and started looking for my keys, all I said to this man was “Where’s my keys”, his lil boothang was just staring at me but I gave not one fuck. I found them and went to my car where C was and got inside and started fucking BAWLING bro. Shit was ass. I accidentally left my phone in C’s friend’s car last night too somehow and had to wait til earlier today to get it back. I also sadly ended up relapsing last night due to my horrendous breakdown, which I regret a lot. I’ll be okay though, just a little bump in the recovery road. After last night, I texted J and said simply ” I hate you” and blocked him on everything. As I should, because I can’t let this mf keep breaking my heart. But yeah, shit was wild.