Complicated in A life unfulfilled

I’ve read your comments and I appreciate your get better but frankly only the person that’s going through it at the moment truly understands. It’s easy to just say move out but why would I? I have siblings that are my responsibility given to me or not. My mother is not lazy, However she raised 5 kids on her own and I don’t blame her. I’m not a better person or the better adult. All of us have our own point of view and I’d hate to make assumptions or guesses about others point of view. I’m my own person as others. I’m not writing these for pity I’m doing it for me and to just vent.
Anyhow, My mother has gastritis and it’s gotten better but she’s been resting for 2 days now. I have not been going to work so I’m able to help her out till she gets better but it’s bad for me. I haven’t worked so I have no money. Although I’ve wasted the few I had to buy halloween decorations. I absolutely love it and I don’t regret it but I know I could’ve used it better. Now I’m currently sitting waiting for the kids pickup line to take a photo of the ticket. I did my hair and my makeup and I feel good. I’m having a good day and my stepfather is trying to talk to me, you know get on good terms. My stepfather isn’t a perve he was just drunk and accidentally slept in my room. I think I misunderstand everything when it comes to men. I’ve been touched most of my childhood by either an uncle or a grandfather. My judgment is clouded. The last time it happened I was 13 and I’m 20 now. I have no boyfriends or anyone I like. I’ve gone to therapy and I’m just wierd. I feel left out of my teenage years but I did have a fling in 7th grade. I know stupid and young but bless my heart I felt inlove. After him I didn’t feel anything anymore not even have fantasies about having a boyfriend or having sex. I’m a bad nun hahaha. I know my life is all over the place and confusing but even if you were in my shoes it’d still be confusing. We all don’t understand why our life is the way it is but it’s just that. Confusion and miserable.