A good morning in A life unfulfilled

I woke up early today around 6, I’m not tired. I felt like I slept for a whole day. I actually hate sleeping because the thought of having sleep paralysis freaks me out more than thinking that a cockroach sometimes crawls into a mouth. Although none of the two has happened I still like to take preventive’s like sleeping on your side and training to keep your mouth closed. Anyway, I haven’t been hungry since friday I still ate some popcorn and had myself a morning beer with my wonderful mom. Being around my mom makes me feel safe and comfortable. When I’m with her I feel like a child that still needs her hand held or needs a hug for no reason. She makes my life better most of the time. I wish she felt the same though. Ergo, she has depression or maybe a blue she can’t get rid of. She cries alot and is always laying down. I pray alot for her and I try and make her life a little easier by doing most of the chores. She’s always a little sad.
I am sitting in the van to pick up my siblings and debating whether or not to read The Great Gatsby. I absolutely love that book, It’s a book that has so many thoughts and actual situations that have happened to many people. What use did Jay Gatsby have all that money and reputation if no on showed up to his funeral or sent flowers. I was sobbing at the end of the book because that’s true. All the fame and money with those HUGE parties but no one truly cared about him. It really makes you see all the opportunists that we all have that are usually called friends. I’m glad I’m lonely. Jay Gatsby may have been selfish and actually opportunistic himself but he was wise. Jay Gatsby was ahead of his time. I feel that he could’ve survived this era or not. Anyway enough of Gatsby….. I’m drinking an iced coffee and I know so Gen Z of me but I’m a millennial so whatever. I’m tapping my foot on the brake just of how nervous I am, My mom finally is talking to my stepfather. I know he’s a piece of dog’s shit but I feel like everything can get solved communicating with eachother. He will never level up to her but at the end they love eachother. So wierd that he despises me but he would never survive if it wasn’t for me. I don’t care how that sounds but it’s factual. He has this nephew how I have no words for. He’s like covid 19, he sucks the fucking life out of you. I’ll tell y’all another time. Have a beer on the porch or watch a movie with someone you truly appreciate. For all I know one of might not wake up or get ran over. Life is lonely and unpredictable.