Tomorrow is my birthday and I am afraid in diary

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will start the night alone. Nobody is going to celebrate with me until tomorow, (my mum and my aunt are visiting me in in my city) and I am kind of okay with that but honestly I hate it. I have a picknick planned with friends on sunday with my closest friends tho. But for tonight I willg o home after work and be alone. SO I need to do something special just for me. I am going to turn of my phone until tomorrow midday and maybe drink some wine and make music and do some yoga or something. This is how I actually want my life to be, maybe this is the opportunity to ke it happen in my new year. Then wake up tomorrow embrace my new morning routine - which would be drinking coffee outside, feel fresh and ready for the day. Lately I am so drowning in self pitty and old patterns I just hate it. and now on my birthday again it makes me feel how I always felt even as a kid and I always felt left alone on this day. I am groewn up now and I should not be so childish about it.