It's been ongoing for a while now... but today it snuck up on me and crashed down like a tidal wave. There I stood in the laundry room, bathroom... looking at the cat who was laying on top of the clean clothes... the clothes that WERE in the laundry basket and were NOW on the floor because my husband needed clothes for work and dumped them out and then LEFT them there. It washed through me like they always did, my chest tightened, and this feeling of wanting to simply get dressed and leave the house and never come home.. a panic attack.
I'm 100% sure that I asked my husband to clean the house yesterday since he only had his morning course and had between 1:30 and 4:30 to do so... did he vaccuum? dust? sweep? DO ANYTHING? No.
Of course it didn't help that I was already frayed from a week of butting heads with our son whom is turning 4 in 2 months and thinks he rules the world... it didn't help that this morning he had a full out attitude over a movie which he watched in theaters and hasn't come out yet and had a pissed off fit that he couldn't watch it on the tv... nor did it help that he was up early and that I'm already beyond exhausted.
That feeling of wanting to run lingered as tears came to my eyes as I started to clean the house... as I seem to do all the time because nobody else will take responsibility... because nobody else recognizes when the toilet it dirty and needs to be cleaned... and unfortunately nobody else gives a damn when it's magically done.
The only thing that will save me today will be going out with Kat to take the kids to the park so we can bitch about our lives, usually I have nothing to say... but today I am tired, I feel overwhelmed, and under appreciated.
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