Why can't I call you that? You said because I didn't know you well enough. You used to be my best friend! What do you mean I don't know you well enough?!
Monday night was incredible. Granted, things got a little more intense than either of us intended, but it was still incredible. You are such an awesome kisser. You smelled good. It felt good to have your arms around me. I just wanted to stay wrapped up in you forever. I wish the night wouldn't have ended.
But it did. And you sent me home, back to reality. And you shut me out again. Two texts the entire week. No phone calls. Ouch. I don't know how to take this. I'm hurt. I don't know why, and you won't tell me anything. I've resorted to the only thing I know I can do, and that is to just be silent. To pray, and listen to what my Father has to say to me.
I wish it felt like something other than spite right now, but without knowing that what you want is silence, if feels like I am doing it to be mean.
In reality, I am doing it because I don't know what you want or need. I don't know what will push you further away or draw you in.
I just want to be in your arms. I want my head on your chest where I can hear your heart beat and I know that you are real. I want to have quiet conversations with our toes tangled together, and our fingers wound together. I want to hear what's going on in that head and heart of yours. I want to be with you.
I have no idea if you want the same things. And I'm hurting.
All I know is that Monday was awesomeness. I was happy. Seeing your smile, and looking into your eyes, and wrapping my arms around you was awesome. I'll even admit that your beard was pretty damn awesome.
I'll tell you to your face if you quit ignoring me...
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