I got caught. It was a relief.
I feel this is all so surreal. I knew that it would happen. The truth always comes out in the end.. But during these past months, I was going through the motions.
I feel terrible. I feel bad I hurt him so much. I do this. I hurt people. I dont know why I do it, but I do it. I know that a lot of bad has happened to us in past two years. Life was busy though, so we put us on back burner. Since we've been back in oklahoma and things have settled, he has been cold. He admitted that things changed for him before we were married. Thats where all the cheating on his part came in.
He has ultamatums for me that I dont think I can give into. I think we are sad that this chapter might close on us, but maybe it should? Fuck, dude. I dont know! My worst trait is being this indecisive. He says the decision should be easy, abs maybe it should be, but it's not.
Another bad trait is that I'm stubborn. Relinquishing control doesn't fly well with me :/
And the other guy... On paper, compared to Steve, he doesn't match up. But hes emotionally available, understanding, empathetic.. Even now.. He is being respectful of the fact I have a special place in my heart for steve. He knows I may choose him, though I hate that wording, and he is ready to bow out.
Fuck. I did this to myself. I hurt everyone.
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