Can you aspire to be beautiful? Or is that a thing you either are or aren’t? I’d like to be or rather feel beautiful someday. I used to. I also thought I was sexy. I miss that so fucking much. I miss feeling like a beautiful, sexual being. I love sex. But idk. Sometimes I feel like if I’m not naked in front of someone I’m not sexy. That probably makes more sense in my mind.
I miss getting messages from a partner telling me they were turned on thinking about me when I wasn’t there. I miss being hounded for pics when he or she couldn’t see me bc they wanted me so bad. Oof. There’s that fucking word want. I just cried so hard stopped right there. Ffs. I guess I just want to feel sexually desired. I’ve always been such a sexual person and I can’t lie lately I feel a little lost. The sex I’m having is fucking fantastic. Not a single complaint about the sex itself. Best sex of my life but do they feel the same way? I have no idea. Do they think about me sexually when we are apart? Bc honestly I can’t tell. They don’t tell me that, and alot of times I feel like when I send sexually charged messages I get emojis back. I can’t seem to get them to participate with me or reciprocate those thoughts. :/ Sometimes I just feel fucking embarrassed when I tell them I’m playing with myself thinking about them and their response is 😁😁😁. Maybe I need to take a hint and just stop doing that, telling them. I keep trying to get some kind of response but it’s breaking my self confidence down in a way that I’m struggling to rebuild. As hard as it is to come to grips with maybe I need to realize that I’m not the sexual goddess I once thought I was. 💔😭 But what happened to her? Where did she go? Can she come back? Will she?
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