💔 in Probably rambles

How can I make you excited about me again? When I send you inspirational or sweet things I just get heart reacts. You don’t acknowledge them or reciprocate the sentiments. But when someone else sends you that stuff you’re all giddy and hopeful. Lately I’m getting left on read more (which makes me feel like I am the inbetween messages person), I send pics that don’t get noticed or acknowledged until I ask if you’ve seen it (which chips away at my self respect) Idk. When did I start to fade for you? When did you stop being excited by MY love for you? Do I tell you too much? Can that fade be reversed? Do I even bother or do I just sit back and watch this all crumble in slow motion while my heart melts into a puddle on the floor drip by drip? I can’t keep bringing it up. I lose respect for myself a little more everytime I have to. I feel like my love for you and vice versa is being overshadowed by this new set of feelings. That’s not supposed to happen but it’s happening. I can feel it. We don’t interact the same way anymore. I spent all night looking at our convo from even just 6 months ago and it’s completely different. I don’t want to be a partner you end up just saying good morning and goodnight to. I don’t want to settle into anything. I like being the most important person in your life (and you mine). I want it to stay that way. I want things to stay exciting and amorous. I am hyper sensitive to the smallest of changes and I can feel a distance growing. Which is why I feel like emotionally committing to another person right now is just a horrid idea, partner label or not. But I can’t and don’t want to control anyone else. I can’t stop feeling like I need to just step back and stop trying so hard to keep this connection alive between us. But when I’m sad about that feeling it’s your arms I want to be in. So what do I do? If I fight to keep your attention I am going to hate myself so much more for having to convince someone I’m valuable. I already hate myself for that. I guess I just keep fading until I’m gone. Maybe if it happens in small steps it won’t hurt so bad when it’s over.