untitled in time will do

it hurts, even when I sleep I still think about how bad it hurts and usually sleeping is my only escape from my reality.. 365 days, 52.1429 weeks to love me and it only took you a week to hurt me, begging and pleading doing things ive never imagined myself doing for your love.. changing who I am to make you love me again, settling not knowing my worth and putting you before me because I love you.. why does it have to hurt so bad? why cant I control what I feel and who I want to love? THESE ARE MY EMOTIONS, MY HEART. Why does it feel like you have so much control over me without doing anything? crying and pleading for you’re love never really worked. until it did, we laughed, talked about the great memories we had together, all the things we shared and even crying together sharing how we missed it. life finally has color again now, I feel like I can breathe again, “I love you” until you showed me you really didnt. why does your love hurt me? why do you show your love by making me feel insecure and comparing myself to all the people you found interest in, crying myself to sleep..it feels like the beginning of the ending we first had all over again but this time it hurts so badly.. are you sure you love me? we spent so much time together but you never wanted to be together but you also didnt want to see me be with anyone else? but I settled because I love you. my love was kind, made you feel comfortable, as if I put all the hurt we caused on each other to the side to hug you with open arms.. you loved the feeling of my love, it was like a charger and you came in once in awhile to recharge yourself of my love. but I let you do it repetitively, a hundred times if I wanted to.. but its not just you to blame.. I was so attached to you it became obsessive, I was losing who I was as a person. my mental state is screaming to let you go because you are hurting my heart so badly. we’ve seen each other with other people trying to feel a void.. and found our way back.. you have a way with words.. you’re so good at it. I guess I wasn’t good at keeping you.. we shared great memories those times we found our way back but everytime I tried to keep you any longer you find your way out.. I was chasing you, but I wasn’t chasing myself..I guess I wasn’t worthy of your love..im so stuck on you I just want it to stop. how did you change? my best friend, my lover, my everything..how did you become so cruel? what happened to the “you” before the breakup am I just chasing something and holding onto something that no longer exists.. I dream of the old you every time, I wish I had a timer of how long it was before the old you died and became someone I no longer knew..who is this new person thats in your body? why are you so cruel? why do you choose to make your love hurt? you tell me you dont want me, but why do you keep coming back? but im just too weak, too attached and too vulnerable to be released from this hold..I wish I can go back into time to change this feeling.. I simply cannot shake this feeling.. why does this have so much control over my life? its been 2 years after the breakup..why am I still stuck? “GOD, please make this stop hurting, please I just want to move on, I want to love me, I want to find me again, please god” who am I anymore? why do you hold this much importance in my life? you bring me no good, you leave fully charged, im left dead with a jar of tears still holding my heart out for you to grab.. my mind doesn’t want you to grab it anymore, its in pain but my heart doesn’t wanna listen.. please heart, just listen.. look at what its doing to you! who are you? what happened to you? why dont you want to just let go.. why are you so afraid to let go of someone who let go of you 2 years ago.. what is keeping you so attached? JUST LET GO.