lost but stuck in thoughts & feelings

I hate the feeling of feeling stuck in between two situations you can’t work out. I don’t know if what I’m experiencing now is meant to be good, and I don’t know if what comes next is going to be better. The fact I can’t use context to compare the two feels grey, and is making me feel grey. Everything is building but it’s building to be … nothing. I feel claustrophobic yet lost. I’m surrounded but have nothing to cling to for support. It doesn’t even feel like a rock or a hard place, it feels like I’m imagining something that exists, just not as I think it does. I am longing for the future, just so I can look back and know what this right now was all about. I don’t want hindsight I want spoilers - but spoilers aren’t possible if something is yet to be written. If there’s a laugh track I can’t hear it. If there’s a stranger that is soon to be significant, I can’t see them. If there is a teachable moment happening at this very second, I am ignorant to it.