It's always easy to see the fall from grace, reading it as it happens, you have to wonder does he see it?
The spinning, the trials, the tribulations, the mounting obstacles... As we read the choices are tighter and right and that one choice that break the spin is right there. We scream go left, but it's a tighter and tighter right spiral the man we're rooting for is in.
"Just one left!" Useless words screamed as the inevitable demise rounds. Why don't they see it?!
And yet I see it. This is my story. My gruesome end, my fall from grace, my dispicable end is just a few left turns away. I can't turn right, the engines have stalled, the stick is stuck and I'm going down.
It's right there. My actions are not benificial to longevity. I feel so much anger towards everything. Christians, atheists, conservatives, democrats, blacks, whites, women, men, but most of all the anger is faced on me. I spend the better part of two years, sweating and beating myself to near death to "make myself better". Lost a fuckton of weight and what have I done in the past 6 months? Picked up cigarettes again compulsive drinking and eating like a fat piece of shit.
"Don't be so hard on yourself" "it's okay to fall off the wagon". Fuck those excuses.
I have to question why I even need to better myself. Is there any reason to? My life trajectory is putting me into a grave plot for one. Shouldn't it be better this way?
I suppose so. No loved one to find me dead on the shitter, no widow, no hurt children, I just need to make sure I can outlive my folks and boom, I'm one Facebook deletion away from being nothing but a memory.
I'm just so bitter.
Loading comments...