Too much in Begin again

A pulmonary embolism, a million doc appointments and our 4th ER visit in a month find us waiting for “major surgery with significant risks” on Friday. So they can scrape the crap and scar tissue out of his lung. Reinflate it. Damage caused by the pulmonary embolism. He’s been in major pain for a month. Finally an answer but the risks are scary. Two days off his blood thinner before they can even do the procedure. My second night without him here with many more to come. We are brave and positive together. “Finally! We’ve got this”. We joke and high five. When I got to my car in the hospital parking garage I sobbed for 15 minutes. Terrified. This is real shit. I cannot stand a night without him. He needs to be okay.