The moment was unexpected like how most tragic things happen except that this was neither a tragic thing nor was it something to celebrate about. It happened on a lazy weekday. No work and no school.
We were by the couch watching a vintage movie in a dying channel. His head was on my lap and both of us were bored to death but neither cared to admit it. He faced me for a moment and wrapped his arms around me, burying his face on my stomach and uttered the words,
“I love you.”
So plain. So simple. So unexpected.
The words struck me much harder and more heartfelt than when my ex boyfriend told me years ago when we were still enamoured.
But this was not a confession coming from him. It was a declaration. An honest moment. A genuine statement. Perhaps that is the reason why it felt more visceral than when my ex had told me. Because Ei was upfront about his feelings and uttered the words not to make me feel loved but to let me know that he loves me as he had said it. It was more him than I as it should be.
Because an “I love you” should not be a phrase to seduce someone or to take advantage of the vulnerability of someone who seldom receives it. An “I love you” is simply a statement. And Ei demonstrated it perfectly.
At that moment, I didn’t tell Ei “I love you too.” I was dumbfounded but in my way, I did tell him because the embrace I gave him, to me, felt the warmest.
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