Relationships in Darlene

Once again I find myself up at night, questioning my actions, questioning your actions, and wondering if we are going to make it. My gut tells me we are, but you ability to end things at the drop of a pin make me question. Although relationships are so much more complex, I truly believe it comes down to pros and cons. If those pros don’t outweigh the cons then there is a big problem. You tell me you love me for who I am, yet I feel like you have been trying to change me from the beginning. I have started to play your game, which I am not proud of. I find myself now wanting you to change. I had a revelation recently that made me think. Is the guy always to pursue the girl? I am starting to think so, which leaves the responsibility of changing on me. Or maybe that is just your cop out so you don’t have to work on yourself. I am expected to accept everything about you and who you are, ignore all the mean things you say and move forward. You expect me work and fix the relationship as if it is solely my job. You act as if you will never actually leave me and are waiting for me to decide what I want. All the means things i have said to you are tallied up in your head, and you get angry when I express that I am ALSO healing from past hurt you have caused. Am I to end things if I can’t accept who you are or if I am not willing to change the things you desire? According to you, I should do you the decency of breaking up if I decide that that list tips in an unfavorable direction. You are stuck in this relationship just waiting for me to decide. Stringing me along, resenting me, and snapping from a light breeze. On one hand i understand what you are saying, assuming I agree that the man is always to pursue the woman. It is my responsibility to decide if I want you or not. I don’t think I agree with your thought process, I think that with every relationship comes compromise and when I don’t like something about you, its reasonable for you to work on yourself, just as I have started to work on myself, assuming those things aren’t core character traits or are unreasonable requests. If you love someone, you can’t always do what you want. You told me you were selfish from the beginning, but I didn’t know you were that selfish. Take me for who I am or fuck off, but here is a list of things that I should be changing about myself. Once again I find this to be a double standard. I guess I am a little confused on where I stand with the whole thing. I don’t think its right to expect change from me, while you refuse to compromise because you have gotten everything you way your entire life. I guess I will see how important this relationship is to you.