So, I completely forgot that I had an account here. I have no clue why this just popped into my head but I got the sudden urge to journal again. We’ll see how long this lasts…
Anyways, things have been a bit chaotic in the last few years. I moved and I hated it. It was not long after I graduated from college. I think I’d only been working for about six months before my mom decided she wanted to move. Despite having a decent job that I liked, I hadn’t saved enough to be living on my own yet, so I moved with her. I wish I hadn’t honestly. I should have just moved in with a friend of mine or something. Got a new job that made me pretty uncomfortable, but it did give me experience with a demographic I had no prior experience with and for that I’m grateful. Finding a job in this new area was a nightmare though. Now, I’ve gone back to school for my master’s degree.
I’m actually proud of myself for that. There were a few mental blocks I had to overcome, but I did it. Also, I got a new therapist. One that actually helps me instead of trying to shove religion down my throat. I’ve been working with them for almost three years now and they’ve been amazing. They’ve been telling me that I should get back into writing again. If anything, to document how I’ve changed.
I finally came out to my family. That went… about as expected. I mean, my mom’s reaction was better than I was expecting and she supports me, thank goodness. Dad on the other hand, lived up to expectations. He still deadnames me or calls me by the horrid nickname. I didn’t use to mind it when I was little but now it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. He really said that he doesn’t think he could come to my wedding if I got married to someone of the same sex. I had to inform him right then that he wasn’t going to be invited my wedding regardless if I ever get married. Not after all the crap he put me through. Besides him, the rest of my family accepted me fine and they still love and support me. I couldn’t be more thankful for that.
My step brother finally came back. I hadn’t seen him in almost seven years and had no clue where he was. I use to worry about him all the time. I thought something bad had happened. But he’s back and he has a fiancé and a baby. My first nephew! Our half siblings are growing up fast. I can still remember their diaper days. It’s hard to see them in middle school and high school and not see their little baby faces. I got to visit all of them recently. It made me feel at home.
As of recent, I’m just sticking with school, working, and getting prepared to move again. I’m actually going to move in with a friend form college so that will be nice. I kinda got ditched to live by myself after my mom got a promotion and moved to another state. She said I had great opportunities here. I don’t… I most certainly don’t. At least not in my career field. Not to mention, I have no family in this state. No family and no friends. That support network that my old therapist helped me build became absolutely useless after my mom left me. Honestly the closest family/ friend to me is a 10 hour drive. I feel abandoned and my therapist said that it’s fair that I do. I already suffer from a horrible depression and losing connection to the few friends and family I do have actually wrecked me. It was pretty shaky there for a while.
Things are getting better though. I have goals again. I am soon going to have friends and chosen family close by when I move. I miss feeling connected to people. I think that’s what I’m looking forward to the most. Feeling connected.
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