If a coworker has apparently been calling your husband a pet name?
Piggy-backing off of my last post when I thought I was being jealous for a stupid/embarrassing reason. . . . apparently there was a reason?
Do I think my spouse is cheating– either emotionally or physically? No.
Do I think my husband was enjoying the attention and maybe got a boost to his ego? Absolutely.
Maybe it’s just me or maybe it’s 99% of womankind, but when I have suspicions, I will do a full on investigation in the form of replaying everything in my mind a million times and plant red flags where red flags are due. This week has done nothing but make me hurt and make me stupid suspicious. Now I don’t want to sound crazy because I am typically ‘chill’, but hear me out.
Flag #1: It’s Monday. The Hubs just got home from work and he’s mentioning how his day was rough. I coddle him slightly as I am still working. He brings up a female coworker (same age as ourselves) and how’s she weird by sharing intimate/embarrassing details of her life to him while they were working. He further elaborates on the details and, in my opinion, those are details of a life that only family or close friends should be privy to. (Note: the Hubs has only been at this job for 2 months thus far.) Meanwhile, in my mind, I am wondering why this chick feels so comfortable telling this stuff to my Hubs. Anyway, I kind of brush it off chalking her up to one of those people who will overshare with everyone.
Flag #2: It’s still Monday and we’re still chatting about his work. He tells me that someone hung up a “Kudos Card” for him in the break room for doing great on inventory. Yay, that’s great. I end up asking him who recognized him. Can you guess? That female coworker. So by now, I am full on raging (internally) and I let it stew for a few hours before my Hubs catches the vibe that something is bothering me. I finally tell him that her over-sharing and giving him a public compliment card at work on the same day made me a little jealous. I told him I found it weird that she felt so comfortable with him. He put my jealousy at ease by telling me there is nothing to worry about.
Flag #3: It’s Wednesday now. Hubs comes home. He is tired and venting about his day as he typically does. He’s going on about how his all of his co-workers do the same job differently and how it’s confusing for him. He then goes on a half-hearted rant about how his co-workers are “dry”. So I listen like I always do, laughing at his descriptions of each of his coworkers. He is pointing out specific personality-traits that he finds silly for each of them. Until. . . the before-mentioned female coworker comes up. He says “She’s just weird.” Simple enough, but since he was pointing out specific things about everyone else, I couldn’t stop myself from asking “How is she weird?”. (Curiosity killed the cat.) His response? “She wears these big fake glasses and always screws up on deposits.” Hmph, okay. So everyone else had personality flaws and this specific coworker is weird because of glasses and poor money management…? Anytime she came up in the conversation after that, he would make it a point to say she is weird. Meanwhile, fire alarms are going off in brain.
Flag #4: It’s still Wednesday and we’re still having the same conversation. Somewhere during the convo, he brings up how said-female-coworker calls everyone ‘Honey’, including him. Before I start to sound too crazy, I know that this is used as a Term of Endearment and that it’s common. I mean, I have had servers call me ‘Sweety’ ‘Honey’ etc. In my experience, the only people who have used Terms of Endearment to me are people much, much older than I am or if they are waiting tables. I can’t contain myself anymore so I asked “You have been letting her call you honey?” He’s repeats that she calls everyone that, but it still doesn’t sit well with me. We use the term “Honey” amongst ourselves– you know, because we’re MARRIED. (9 year anniversary coming soon. . .) And this chick is literally our age so it feels very. . . off to me.
I even flipped the situation and asked him how he would feel if one of my many male coworkers had interactions with me the way this chick is interacting with him. Obviously, he said he wouldn’t like it at all.
Before he went off to bed, he assured me that if she calls him that again he will ask her to stop and that I had nothing to worry about. He loves me, etc, etc.
It’s today now, Thursday, and he texted me saying he asked her to just refer to him as his name and that she apologized. Etc. etc. etc.
The thing is though, I don’t feel like anything is resolved. I mean YES, I am pleased he asked her to stop, but it still hurts me that he allowed her to call him by that pet name since he’s worked there. I am completely aware that “Honey” is common. But given we use that specific pet name between us, I don’t see how it didn’t raise any flags on his part. Why did it have to take me getting upset for him to ask her to stop?
And now my brain is in overdrive wondering how much he allows when it comes to this coworker. Is she flirting with him? Is she trying to get close to him? Is he openly accepting the flirtation? Does her words make him feel attractive? Is she boosting his ego? I can’t stop these thoughts from invading my head today and I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest.
In our 10 years together, I have never had so much weird crap happen to the point where I am questioning my husband. I have never had even the slightest doubt between us until now.
I have been at the same job for 5 years now and I work with men more than I do women. I have worked with the same men for those 5 years too. I have never had a coworker share private details of their lives’ with me nor has any of them called me by a pet name. AFTER 5 YEARS. My Hub’s worked at his old job for 12 years and never once did we have something like this happen. My Hubs has been at his job for 2 months and it’s already hitting the fan.
Am I going crazy? How do women who purposely go back to cheating partners LIVE? This situation is innocent enough (no cheating), but I am already losing my head over it.
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