Zac in Zac

I saw you on one of our mutual friends’ Snapchat stories. Anger immediately filled my body. How could they hang out with you? The anger settled because I knew that they didn’t know about what happened. You guys were on the jet skis out on the lake. I am glad to see that you’re having fun, that you’re able to leave the house, hang out with friends, and live your life normally. I haven’t even been able to breathe since the night we hung out. You took the only sense of trust and dignity I had and crushed it. You have no idea what you did to me. I spent the rest of the night at the hospital.
I had to take 14 pills, I got pictures taken of my hopeless, bruised body, had to be examined by doctors, nurses, police officers, and detectives. I had to seek therapy and anxiety treatment because it got to the point where I couldn’t even sleep. I still struggle today just driving on your side of town. And you simply get to have lake days and enjoy your life. You got away with it because there “wasn’t enough evidence.” I call bullshit. The most heartbreaking videos I have are from me leaving your house, violently shaking because of what you did to me. I break down when I watch them and hear myself scream, “I said no” over and over again. There were bruises and marks on the sides of my body from where you grabbed me. I had panic attacks every day and couldn’t leave my house for a week. All you had to do was talk to the detective and say, “I didn’t do it” and you’re simply let go.
I bet you told your friends that I was just another notch on your belt. I bet they gave you a pat on the back and laughed about it. I had to tell my friends that I was raped by someone I used to call my friend. I never said your name, but I really wish I would have. I wish I could have ruined your life the way you ruined mine. I wish you could spend every waking hour scared that you might see me again because we both know what you did to me. The amount of guilt you should be feeling right now should be astronomical. A part of me wants that guilt to eat you alive until there is nothing left of you. I know that won’t happen though, as much as I want it to. One day you’ll realize it, and when you do I unapologetically hope that you are absolutely miserable.