I have been wanting a physical journal to write in, but I have neither the spare cash for a decent one nor the time really to write in one. So, here I find myself, yet again, on an online journaling site. I had a TeenOpenDiary back in the day. I have had many online spaces where I write (and a few physical ones as well) but can never keep the habit. I would like for this time to be different. I would like a lot of things.
Life has changed since the last time I wrote. I am a mother now. My son is a beautiful, goofy, and endlessly clever soul. For identity protection’s sake, I will refer to him as a pseudonym. I have yet to think of one suitable for such a unique spirit. I suppose I’ll figure that out later on.
I still work the same job that I’ve been at for seven years. The job itself has changed as the children have changed, and yet, somethings stay forever the same.
My husband, too, will need a pseudonym. We have been married for almost four years now. These four years have flown by, and yet I still love him, endlessly. Watching him parent our boy has only intensified my admiration and adoration for him.
I am on both an antidepressant and an antianxiety medication now. They are working well, and, despite my bad days, this is the happiest I think that I have ever been.
And yet, I feel this gnawing darkness and sadness inside of me, still longing to get out. Maybe this will be where I let it out to breathe.
That’s all for now, as the kids need reading and math practice.
xo
mercurialmama
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