I wanted to say thanks to my private noter first off. I really do thank you for your encouraging words. Means a lot to me even if we don't know each other. I try to tell myself that none of this will matter in 10 years....but what if it does? What if my relationship with my mother never gets any better? What if in 10 years we aren't even speaking?!
Mothers day was not a good day. I tried so hard to make her happy. I refuse to change the person I am but occasionally I will tone myself down a bit to try to make peace with her. As usual it's never good enough. I tried to make her breakfast this morning as a surprise. She just got pissed when I woke her up too early. Really mom? She didn't even take 1 bite of the food I made for her. I tried to let it go and keep moving. Close to lunch I asked her if we could go out somewhere to eat. I thought it would be cool to do a lunch date together because that's something we rarely do. She looked at me from head to toe and I could tell her answer was a big fat no. Of course she couldn't leave it at a simple no. She had to reply with pure disgust...."Do you think I want to be seen in public with you looking like that? Not a chance in hell Cheyenne. Your brother is taking me to lunch anyway!"
Wow. Wow. Wow. Do you know what I had on?! I was wearing a band t shirt, a pair of jeans WITH NO HOLES OR ANYTHING, and my chucks. What is so damn wrong with that? Whatever. Let the perfect child take you to lunch what do I matter?
My brother can do no wrong. He's always been this perfect kid and probably always will be. He's 19 and going to school to be a doctor or some shit. He played every sport in high school that you can think of. Got good grades. Mr. Popular. I guess when you put me beside him most parents would rather have lunch with him huh?
I stayed in my room until close to dinner time. I dunno why I even came out for that. She said a total of like 5 words to me while we ate. I tried to talk to her about a job that I wanted to apply for. All she could say to me was something about wasting $$ on nonsense if I got the job. Oooooookay then. I asked her how lunch wasvwith Justin (my brother) and all i got was "Do you really even care Cheyenne?"
I stopped even trying to talk to her at that point. Finished my dinner and I've been holed up in my bedroom ever since.
Whatever.
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