June 16th 2021 in 22 and Struggling

11:00am
Recently, I have been really struggling. Usually, when I start the take some steps backward with my mental health, my support system notices and offers support. Lately, it seems that this isn’t a time for me to begin to struggle. I’m beginning to make the realization that I am a burden that no one really seems to have time for. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness has begun to creep in along with that realization.
The feeling of having no one to talk to, well all the people I used to talk to about everything no longer have time for me rather, is something hard to describe. There’s a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that pulls at me. I can feel myself begin to spiral but there is no one to reach out to. My boyfriend (Mr. Trout) is busy with his new job which is great! I am so happy and so proud of him but it feels like he is getting further and further away from me. He used to know what I was feeling and he could tell when I was experiencing too much anxiety. Now, he is only concerned with what is best for him, not compromising on what is best for both of us. I know that he is trying but sometimes it feels like he’s not trying his best. It feels like I am an inconvenience that he would rather just not deal with at times.
Usually, when I feel this way about Mr. Trout, I talk to my mother about it. She always tells me to figure it out and fix it with Mr. Trout because he is such a good person. And he is but he isn’t perfect. My mother just always assumes that I am the one who did something wrong meaning I am the one who needs to fix it. That upsets me because it feels like I have no one on my side.