Anxious in Moving Forward

I can without a doubt feel the baby moving around in my belly now…it’s such an amazing feeling. It also made me realize that I’m still terrified to be excited. A thousand “what ifs” run through my head constantly. I was definitely anxious when I was pregnant with my little girl, but since W died I am a complete and utter nervous mess. It’s not healthy, and it’s totally unproductive, but that doesn’t make it any less real. And he wasn’t even my baby. I don’t think that I, or any of his family, will ever be normal again. If God decided to take that perfect creature in his sleep at only three months old for what we see as “no reason,” there is no guarantee that He won’t take mine now. Or tomorrow. Or at birth. Or when he/she is three months old. I can’t function, and this is futile. God help me.