I don’t know what to write really, just feel like I’ve floated through the last week.
We are going through some stuff at the moment, which should’ve been sorted months ago but I guess that’s what you get with moving in a pandemic.
I’m really struggling with the concept of relying on my husband for money. I may not have worked full time but 18-23 I worked between 16-30 hours a week depending on overtime and had my own money to blow. Since our little one came along and nursery fees etc, it worked way more in our advantage to stay home which I love, I want to be with our little one every second of the day and have been for almost 18 months. But I feel almost stripped of my independence. I can’t go buy clothes, shoes, anything I want whenever I want… I can’t buy toys and clothes etc for bubba without waiting for his payday to ask. Even though if I ask I know he will say yeah sure order it on my card, or he says wait till payday and I can get what I want. But recently I feel so upset about it. I wish I could go out rn and just get clothes because I want to not cause I need too, buy bubba toys and crap he doesn’t need because it was there and I’m impulsive. I hate having to ask for money, that isn’t mine (no matter how much he says it is ours). Hopefully once the move is done, I could maybe find some night shifts somewhere. That way I work when little one sleeps, but I’m home for him in the day. I’ll be tired but I’ll have that little bit more freedom. My husband is incredible in that he gives us as much as he possibly can, a roof to be under, food on the table but I miss walking into a shop and just tap tap tapping Without thinking!
Reading back that sounds selfish. I have my bubba and we get to spend everyday together and my husband works full time to let that happen. I need to remember that, I do, I just never thought I’d miss working/money/adult conversations and interacting with people as much as I do.
Nothing else to talk about really, my brain just feels like mush rn. I’m so tired, I don’t get much help with the bubba whilst this house move is going on, sleep is so uncomfortable and I just miss my home comforts. And my dog.
The sun is still shining so going to go out in the garden and see if little one wants to play with some toys now it’s cooler… the sun is HOT!
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