What a day. Whaaaaaat a day.
Nothing exciting has happened, not really.
I’m really overthinking a lot at the moment. My husband doesn’t really want to talk to me, unsure of the reason but I’m sure I’ve probably upset him somewhere. I used to just sit back and let him do what he wants but recently I feel like he has no respect for me but if I bite back or get upset, suddenly I’m the one making and causing problems. It’s draining. I know he isn’t happy, hasn’t been for a long time, whether that’s be me or our current situation and it’s sad he doesn’t feel like I can help him. He never wants my help. Am I a bad wife? I feel like I’ve messed up somewhere and two married people shouldn’t get this frustrated with each other. People always tell me this happens, and you’ll get over it, our situation atm is difficult and stressful. But how far can that be the reason? Is me making him miserable honestly going to pass? I love him with every single ounce of my soul. He is my best friend and the thought of losing him is terrifying. But in the same respect, how long do I have to feel unhappy before we both become to much for one and other?
I just want us to be happy, and I feel like my own problems in my head and my raging anxiety aren’t letting me think straight. But as I keep telling myself… this too shall pass and we will be happy again. I know he loves me and loves what we have. I can feel the happiness radiating off of him some times, but I hope he is still in love with me… now and forever, but it is definitely a question I don’t want the answer too just yet.
On the other hand, I got out today and had a wonder. My get very anxious out and about on my own, specially since little one was born. But now they are so interested in things and loves exploring so today felt like a good day. They noticing trees, bouncing leaves along the floor in the wind. It must be such a breath of fresh air for them too, this pandemic has been awful and I’m honestly so worried how much it’s held back everything.
I bumped into a friend today at the supermarket. We chatted for ages. I don’t have many’s friends but I’ve known this one for a few years and we both have children so it’s lovely to talk about it. Her husband reminded me of my dad when we were younger… both mums nattering about the kids whilst the dad patiently waits keeping the children quiet and in one spot. Haha! Funny how things pan out.
Anywho. Im looking into hobbies more. I’ve found a few I like, that I may start but getting the time to do them is unheard of. But they are definitely there waiting for the chance.
It’s quite nice out so I think I’ll go out with the dogs and get some fresh air.
Till next time.
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