Well here I am. Writing my feelings. Never thought I’d see the day.
I’ve always had problems expressing how I feel, i hate it. I do not talk to anyone, I try to keep it all in until I explode, usually with tears (or binge eat, but that is a whole different entry!)
But I feel ok, currently just making my little one food. I wish I was better in the kitchen, one of those mums who can whip up a home organic meal that the baby will shove down but life just isn’t working out like that. I hate the kitchen. Mainly because I can not cook, for the life of me, I wish I could but my anxiety is horrific in many senses and one of them is not cooking food through properly!
I seem to just be whinging, which is how I feel 99% of the time. I feel like I have people too talk to, but why would I put that on them? I have a husband, who at best, has barely a couple of hours a day, awake, at home available to talk and there’s absolutely no point pouring that out to him when he’s tired. He really doesn’t cope with being tired, which working the job he does, is understandable. Just wish he was more open to listening sometimes, invite me in, I’d love to hear more about his feelings too but I feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me a lot, maybe that’s how he deals with it?
Anyway
Off to make my little chub his dinner, I’m going to have some food too, then maybe see if the weather holds out to go for a walk.
Speak soon.
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