Shaken in Moving Forward

I have changed so much over the past two years of my life. While most of the changes within myself are positive, there are parts of me that are more lost than ever. Since W died in December, my faith, my soul, my life has been shaken. While I do not doubt God’s existence, or his ability, I suddenly question my own understanding of everything. I have always been able to accept death as a part of human life…sometimes not very gracefully, but acceptance nonetheless. I cannot, however, find it within my soul to accept the death of a perfectly healthy baby. I watched his mother give birth to him. I witnessed his first breaths. I photographed his daddy cutting him umbilical cord. And three short months later, I sat in a hospital room witnessing his parents clinging to his tiny lifeless body. I kissed that beautiful face for the last time, and I have never been the same. I was always a firm believer in fate, and that everything happens for a reason…and at this point in my life, that faith has been rocked to it’s very core.