My last entry has more on one of the biggest decisions of my life.
In any case, I have a sinus infection that I've been battling for a week now, and an awful cough. I had wanted to have some things packed but with Easter being yesterday and me just not feeling well... I'm a little behind. It's okay. The more I think about it, the more I realize I actually don't have a lot to move. I mean, Catie is more than willing to provide me with a lot of stuff, so mostly I just made a list of things I use daily and honestly, the list wasn't that long. Plus it's different being with her... she's lived in her house for 2 years now and has basically anything I'd need. And she's a nurse, so she'd have things I wouldn't otherwise think of.
For now I'll probably just bring things to store... kitchen stuff, maybe some clothes, my TV (I don't use it much--it's small), one "linen" drawer thingy, and maybe a lamp or two. Catie said her basement is empty and that I can even store big stuff down there if I'd like, but for now it's probably just going to be bags and boxes. I'll probably do the majority of packing tomorrow and Wednesday, then I leave on Thursday.
Originally this trip was just supposed to be a visit but obviously it's turned into part 1 of my effort to move back to Ohio. Mom said she may try to visit over the summer or when I, God willing, continue to move to Cincinnati in August or September. I don't really see that happening, though. Her replaced knee is still not rehabilitating properly and her right knee, which is also on the docket to be replaced, has been giving her a hundred times more trouble. Plus we've never boarded Evie and I don't see them bringing the dog with them. Dad's also developed arthritis in his hands...
It's funny. My brother Nate got a lot of physical and financial help from my parents but he also refused to take a lot of help when they offered. Now he still wants mom to babysit for free (something I still resent him for--there's no way my mom would feel comfortable with a 3 year old and a 1 year old when she can barely count on herself to walk properly) and when I think about it, he's never lived far from our parents. My sister-in-law, too. Always within parental range. So this is funny to me that my parents are now so much older, I've lived with them all these years, I'm finally moving out and taking the scary risky plunge, and they may not be able to help me like they helped my brother and I'll also be living 500 miles away. My brother was always the independent one, but I'm the one taking the biggest risk here.
I have a vague plan but honestly I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Take the summer to look for a job and apartment in Cincinnati, I suppose. Maybe I'll get lucky and have a chance there I never had here. Maybe I wasn't ever supposed to get a real job here.
I was also thinking... I'm going to make another 2-3 trips to Ohio, including my "final" trip. I was actually thinking, since my parents aren't planning a trip to Wisconsin and my grandfather will be 87 in a couple weeks, of visiting him before I settle by the end of May. I don't know when, but I was thinking maybe May 16th-28th (not the whole time, but that's the time period I'm looking at) I would just take a trip up there. I haven't seen my grandpa for almost 3 years, and he's my only grandparent; has been since 2007 and especially when my great-aunt, who was like a grandparent to me, passed away a few years ago. I'm just afraid, you know ? Mom made a comment a week ago about how he's the kind of guy who would go quick. He could live to be 100 but he could also just... pass on at any second. If I don't see him in May, I literally don't know when I would see him again, if ever.
I would basically drive out to Ohio and spend a day at Catie's. Then I was thinking, and here's where it may actually be killing two birds with one stone, of driving up to Minneapolis so then I can see Cori and stay with him. It's about three hours from Minneapolis to central Wisconsin, so I can make it a day trip. Hell, if Grandpa knows, he may even spring for a hotel for me. Then I can go back and spend another 2-3 days with Cori and go back to Ohio after that. Aside from dealing with Memorial Day traffic and the fact that my birthday is actually on Memorial Day... it might be a nice birthday present to myself to see my grandpa in Wisconsin and the love of my life in Minnesota. Maybe by then I'll actually be settled in Ohio so then I don't need to worry about coming back to Virginia. But if I have to, it'll be okay. It's a lot of driving, but... I don't know. It's feasible.
Gas is so expensive, though. I would have to basically ask my dad for a gas card for my birthday and NOTHING ELSE. I mean, it's like $3.70/gallon here (though I've seen it as high as $3.97). My car gets relatively good gas mileage on highways but I'm still looking at spending maybe $200-250 just in fuel alone. And that's me being conservative with fuel prices and slightly liberal with my gas mileage. But I really want to see my grandpa, on my own (I think that's kind of special) and I would also like to see my boyfriend, whom (by the time I am thinking of visiting) I will not have seen since January 3rd. Then that'll tide me over until August or September, when we finally live together !
Our one-year-anniversary is also a week from tomorrow (though we've known each other many years beyond that). We could maybe do a belated celebration in May. I've just had such a hard time the last few months... I want to be happy for a bit. But maybe this is all stupid and I should just forget an extra trip up north. I really do want to see my grandpa, though. I considered renting a car when I went to MN in August, but it was expensive and I already spent a good amount of money on a plane ticket. And I was thinking I would go if my parents were planning to go this summer, but they're not (especially with my mom the way she is) so... I don't even think my brother and SIL are going. So I would like to. I want to do this. It's really a trip to see my grandpa, Cori is the bonus. But I regret not seeing my great-aunt one last time and... life is too short for regrets. I just hope if I bring this idea to my dad, he'll be okay with helping to finance it as a birthday present (for me AND grandpa since we're both May babies). I don't know. We'll see.
~Rachel
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