I just have to accept it in Just need to let it out

The sad thing is knowing you never cared
And somehow I knew all along
You made feel special in the beginning
But very soon you started to breal means of communication with me
Later, it was just about you
When you wanted a fuck
I always cried
You always made me feel used
But I always tried to make you happy
Everything I did for you
Later, you started blamimg me for stuff
Always fighting with me and hurting me
And I always knew
But I didn’t want to believe that you don’t love me
I wanted to believe that you love me
But you stopped saying it
Later, more things to keep you busy
More reasons for you not to speak to me anymore
You just keep on hurting me
And I asked so many times, when you tire of me just say so and I’ll back off
But you said nothing
And when I took the courage to ask you said nothing changed
But everything changed
How stupid am I to still keep on hoping
Yet I knew all along
And days go by but it still hurts the same
Was I really so horrible?
Am I really such an idiot?
As beutiful as you made me feel when we met
Wow, I just feel like a piece of shit now
I gave you me
I opened up to you
And now I’m left lonlier than I have been before we met
I’m such a fool
Yet, I still hope you’re okay
I hope you’re smiling
I hope you’re happy
And I hope you have someone who loves you dearly
May all your dreams come true
I’m sorry I didn’t leave when you pushed me away
I must have made your life miserable clinging to you like that
I apologise deeply
And because I know toy don’t care
I won’t burden you further by showing you this message
I just had to say goodbye in some way
You should know,  I really fell for you, loved you deeply, and I miss you so much
I really wish we could talk
But you cut off my rights to talk about anything personal a long time ago
Especially feelings
You denied me that
We haven’t made love in 4 months
Did I disgust you?
I don’t understand what I did wrong
You don’t care so it really doesn’t matter
All that’s left for me to do is to move on
It’s hard when I miss you so much
You asked me to be patient once
And I knew you for 2 months
I’ve been patient now for 10 months
In which you kept pushing me further away
I mean, this is clear, right?
You don’t want to know me anymore  but for some reason you don’t say it
You even stopped sending me kisses
How I long for those
Any sign that you have a grain of feeling left for me
What an idiot am I!
Oh god how you hurt me
Haha, and you probably don’t even know or care
I still think you’re amazing
And I hate myself for losing you
I can only say this
If you wanted to keep in touch  you would’ve found a way
But when I asked you if you wanted to stay in touch or if you want me to wait for you
You didn’t reply