It is so hard for me to not gamble, especially now that we have the online gambling. I do so well during the week, tempted but I don’t do it. Then, on nights like tonight, I drop 200 bucks and loses it in a few minutes. It could have been worse, trust me, I wanted to drop a lot more and I’m really tempted to, but I won’t.
I was never really this bad, even when online was legal. Heck, I have a casino not to far from my house and I don’t think about going there that often. But, now, I have more money than I ever have and I feel the pull to want to get more, by gambling, by taking a chance. I think the issue is, I’ve actually won a few times, and won a lot (well, nothing over 1,000, but like 600 to 700 hundred) and that feeling, that rush, it just a wonderful feeling. It pulls you in, makes you want to take another chance so you could feel it again. Plus, having that much money is really, really nice.
My birthday is in a few weeks and I do like to go to the casino to gamble so, maybe I’ll just wait until then and go there on my birthday. Maybe I’ll just make a deal with myself to lay off the online gambling and a reward will be to do some real life gambling.
Work has been better. I don’t feel as paranoid about it as I did earlier this week. I mean, they could let me go at any minute, they might look at my numbers and decide that I’m not working hard enough then bring back someone they furloughed, last year, to take my place. I don’t want to think this way, I really don’t, but I’ve been on the wrong side of perception about my job before and it cost me a job. I mean, it turns out that was actually a blessing in disguise, but it still sucks to get fired. I don’t want to get fired or laid off, I like to work and I like this work, for the most part anyway. I do see jobs online doing exactly what I’m doing now so, I don’t want to leave for a lateral move. I have some cache here, people like me and they trust that I’ll get the job done, and I will.
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