Happy Weight in ?

I have been steadily gaining weight, after years of struggling, since I began a relationship 10 months ago. It’s about 20 pounds and I hate it. I don’t hate myself, I just hate the weight. It’s so easy to gain and tough to take off. I know that I am mentally happier with myself when I am 20 pounds lighter. Is that my ideal weight? No, but it’s the closest I’ve gotten so I’ll take that and run with it.
I’m not mad that I have gained weight. I fucking fell in love and it’s awesome! I would not trade any of it. We started dating during a strict lockdown due to the pandemic, so our date options were pretty limited to ordering out. Both of us enjoy food, good food. He has even helped me expand my pallet, encouraging me to try things I would usually never choose.
When the weather was better, and our date options limited to outside hangouts, we were much more active. We biked and walked, but still indulged. It seemed a bit more balanced. Now, it’s cold and gross and we have embraced the couple’s cocoon and comfort foods. Again, it’s fucking great! I’m the happiest I have been. except when I look in the mirror.
I don’t think it’s “all in my head” or “eye of the beholder” crap. Do I care what my boyfriend thinks I look like? Hell yes! But, do I know that my boyfriend loves me no no matter if I gain weight? YES! It’s ME! I’m the one who feels this way about myself. I want to lose weight for myself!
But how? How do I make healthy choices when I am constantly confronted with bad ones? When I have the sweetest boyfriend who loves to surprise me with my favorite snacks? I need stronger willpower I guess. BUT when I do make good choices, sometimes I feel like the fun-suck. He does not make me feel like this, I recognize that this feeling is coming from within me. But still, we’ve all been there. He knows he can make his own choices and eat what he wants, but the moment the person with you makes a very different choice, you feel a bit shamed whether or not that was the intent.
The strong feminist would say, fuck that shit! Make your own choices and if he feels shamed or butt-hurt, that’s on him. I get that. And I can and will make my own choices. However, it’s still hard to make healthy choices when your partner is not. He’s indulging and I want to too!
And indulging a little would be fine, if there was a better balance with exercise. But right now, there’s not a ton of that going on… because from sex… and that does not count.