3/21/2014 in Journal Stuff

3/16/2014

Bones had an episode where a frat guy fell “1.37 meters onto a hard surface” and fractured both his wrists and part of his spine. This is like 4’6”. I’m wondering how much science they put into it. I fell about six feet onto spine and, supposedly, all I did was pull a muscle. Really wish they had found something to fix.

Pareidolia – a vague or random stimulus being perceived as significant.

Apophenia – seeing patters or connection in random or meaningless data.

3/17/2014

There’s a guy in my Emgt class that, when he has a smell, has a very iconic one. From what I can tell, he’s part of the Botswana crowd and looks, facially, a lot like my roommate. He’s come in with three really distinctive smells. He smelled like grandpa’s soybean silo that we played in a few times when we were kids. Another time he smelled like hand soap and bleach and it stung my eyes when I smelled it. Lastly, he smelled like powdery dirt. Like a baseball field’s baselines. He’s also late to class almost every time.

The teacher would work perfectly in the old west, selling snake oil. When he doesn’t know what to say next, he tells a tangent, tries to joke off some word with multiple definitions, retracts the joke when it’s offensive, goes more on the tangent, finds another tangent, goes back to the main point, tells a story, jokes, etc.

Yes, laugh if you will sir, but what you see behind this door will haunt your life and harry your very soul. To paraphrase a Firefly episode. I don’t like being sold my information.

3/18/2014

My roommate has bedbugs. I just assumed he was sleeping with his girlfriend these nights for its own benefit. Turns out he didn’t like being eaten alive every night. He had the front desk send up an exterminator to check it out. Which he wasn’t home for, so I got to show them around. Since he has bedbugs and they move around, my room is going to be sprayed. The RD for our building emailed us with a little checklist of stuff to do and said to ask if we had any questions. The only one I really wanted to ask was whether I could go to the reslife department earlier than the flyer they gave out said to ensure I get a different living arrangement for next semester.

Also got a text from mom saying grandma had another stroke and that they’re in cape. That’s it.

3/20/2014

Whole apartment got sprayed. I had to let the guy in again. Came back a few hours later to see my entire room upside down. I probably should have vacuumed or something before moving everything back. Oh well.

The room didn’t smell bad after the guy was through. It was almost sweet. Glad I didn’t have to deal with any of the actual bedbugs.

Wrote my second book report while only reading about a tenth of the book. It was one of those improve yourself first then convince everyone you’re on their side type of books. All positive thinking and win/win situations. They don’t mention how it takes a lot of intelligence and wisdom to lead well, just a lot of “help everyone” advice.

3/21/2014

I’m Mr Popular today. Two whole phone calls. Maybe three. Two whole conversations, though. Grandma died. She had a sort of living will with family members that she didn’t want to be strung along if the situation was bad. And it was bad. I’m told she she was braindead in the parts that would be needed for her to regain consciousness. So, now mom is assuming I’m going to the funeral next week. “It’s just to show respect.” It’s to show everyone else that I share their concept of respect, that I hurt like they do, even if there’s nothing really there for me and nothing for grandma. I don’t like performing. If dad died, I would have a reason to go to his funeral. I feel I would need closure for that, because he still seems to want something out of his life. He still has something he wants to do and empathy would make me feel hollow over his death. I don’t really feel anything negative over grandma’s death. She and grandpa had been getting pretty bad and I was waiting for it to happen. There’s an intense focus on almost celebrating death rather than celebrating life through funerals. It’s all self-focused ceremony. An assumedly predominantly Christian family that is sad for themselves that their family member is now in a literal place of eternal bliss. A core question I’ve had for many years that still hasn’t been answered in any sort of satisfactory way.

If I were to die tomorrow, I would hope no one would cry. I’d want them to be happy that I lived a life true to what I love and, in being myself, lived contentedly. As of now, I have no regrets. If I wanted something else out of my life, I would have done something else. The melancholy of lost potential is a price we pay by being alive. The assumption that everyone has to fulfill their full potential is an illusion of optimism that only brings sadness when it’s shown to be wrong. The definition of potential is a possible fulfillment. We move forward for the uncertainty. There’s a reason why Pandora’s box still holds hope. Probably should have been called despair, but still…