Be Careful What You Wish For in Random Thoughts

This isn’t a complaint, but more a bit of humorous muttering.

Remember how I said I wish that a girl would just turn up and make a move? Well… the gods heard me and replied. In a most amusing way, at least to me.

So I also recently got back in contact with S, and things have gone decently well. We talk on messenger daily, and it’s been pretty average. Till tonight, anyway.

More of that post, talking about how I have a hard time talking about certain romantic things, there’s a specific reference with S and myself. We met up one night after I’d had a hard day and she gave me a massage to help, as I’d managed to do something to my back. Well.... that turned into a more romantic situation, and we ended up “making a connection”. But things were weird and afterwards she said something about trying again, and it being less awkward, and that just ended up becoming how we refer to sex.

Well, we were talking tonight, and a couple hours before I picked up my phone, she invited me over. When I finally did reply (I’m not one to keep my phone in my hand all the time), she tried to convince me to come over to hang out, “awkwardness and all”. That was absolutely the last thing I expected her to say, considering last time things went south after we went to that level, and the fact we’ve not talked in a few years, and I’ve not really been the most outgoing with her. But none the less, there it is.

I’m sure it’s not a good idea, but as much as I know I shouldn’t be considering this, letting things happen with her wouldn’t be all bad. Given where my mind has been going lately, and the memories my mind has been bringing up, maybe it would help. And I have been saying that some at least somewhat emotionally connected closeness, would be helpful to my mindset. Something I read said a 20 second hug releases the same neuro chemicals as some of the best antidepressants, or something like that. I’ve missed human contact, and affections. This could be an opportunity to remedy at least some of the crap in my head that annoys me.

That said, S isn’t exactly my ideal choice. I’m not going to go over the recent flaws again, but we do have other issues. There’s distance. She’s over an hour away from me. Our schedules don’t really line up much, me with a 40 hour work week, she works from home, is a single mom - whose baby daddy is a complete and absolute self-deluded tool, so her elementary age son lives with her full time - and with this stupid pandemic really is full time so that doesn’t allow for much time. We definitely do not agree on the spiritual beliefs, and are both very stubborn on where we stand. So, while we may like each other, and we get along, in the long run, we’re not compatible.

But, she’s not talking about dating. She seems to just be talking about friends, with potentially a much “closer” friendship. At least, that’s the way I’m reading it. Is it a good idea? I don’t know. Should I do it? Probably not. Could it be good? Yes. Could it end horribly? Yes. Decisions, decisions. But to be honest, the more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to go along with it. Could be something that ends up helping she and I both. Maybe that in itself is a reason to go for it.

At the very least, it’s something to think about. But just remember, if you wish for something, you may well get it, just not in a way you’d ever expect. C’est la vie.