tears in The Abyss

I’m trying really hard, feeling overwhelmed. I’m always lonely. I have friends who are supportive beyond measure and I love them, but there’s always things I cannot say. There’s always pouches of sadness I can’t empty out. I have secrets. I have shame. I am not blameless or perfect. I have made mistakes. I don’t feel good enough for anything. I want to just hide in my bed all day. But I realize my days with my last baby being home every day are numbered. He’s going to school. It makes me cry even now. When he’s gone I have nothing else to distract me.