I'm feeling a bit better than I was last week. I'm am making some improvements super slowly so I'm trying to focus on that rather than beating myself up about the stuff I'm doing wrong.
Friday last week was steak and blowjob day, I had planned to take Paul out for steak but then was thinking that I might have to cancel because I couldn't afford it. We ended up going and splitting the bill though. I'm really glad we did because it was nice to spend some time just the two of us. Drew and Robyn are pretty much always in and they both talk quite a lot so it was nice to just be able to hang out together! And when we got home I got down to the blow job :) despite my very best efforts I wasn't able to... Y'know but we did end up having flipping amazing really intense sex. It was a good night!
Otherwise... I feel like I've just been working ALOT I'm trying to do all the overtime I can but it so frustrating that most of it gets eaten up by tax and NI and my stupid pointless student loan!
On Tuesday it was Francesca's birthday so we went to Lynnie's for a birthday tea! The littles are so adorable, Layla and Seb are loons and Caspar is just the cutest chunkiest baby ever, I took this video of him being all giggly and trying to pull Matt's hair out.
I took Beth to her first ever body pump class yesterday, I think she liked it, we're both feeling sore today!
Paul is away on Shiner's stag weekend from tomorrow so I'm hopefully going to use this weekend to sort my head out and get my head in the right place to start making some more positive changes. I actually managed to go a whole month payday to payday without buying any clothes, makeup or anything like that. I don't know if I've ever done that before in my adult life! I did overspend on food though and paid for parking a few times when I was running late for work (usually I park in a residential area and walk in but on the mornings when I've struggled to get out of bed I've parked in a car park which is much closer) so I need to focus on those for the next month.
Africa was being super cute the other night and got under the covers and spooned with me!
And I was looking through old photos the other night and found this... The ridiculous thing is I was wearing those shorts at the beach because I thought that my legs were too fat to be on show! It's kind of sad, I would love to look like that now! Although that probably wouldn't be possible, I think I was 19 or 20 there.
Really I just want to feel better about myself, I wouldn't necessarily mind staying this weight/size if I could tone up and get fitter. Although I would l would love to fit in to all my lovely clothes again!
Right, well I'm off to bed now, this was from last night...
He's only going for a long weekend but I'm going to miss him!
Xxx
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