Going to Hendersonville tomorrow to see my grandmother. That, alone, will be emotional. She's been more of a parent to me than my own at times.
I'll also see my father. I had to tell him today that my daughter and I couldn't go to dinner with him unless he didn't bring the ugly step-monster. That after 30 years, I'm done being bullied by her and I've put up with it for so long. So, so long. All in an effort to maintain a relationship with my father who really IS a good guy.
At first he said no. Not bringing her was a deal-breaker. I was such an adult on the phone and such a child inside as he said this. But I held my head up and said fine. That I'm sorry he felt this way. I calmly explained (and will in a future entry) the reasons why I (or my daughter) don't want her in our lives anymore. He knows it, he gets it, he knows they're valid. That's what kills me.
He texted me a bit later and made plans for lunch with us. I thanked him and told him I loved him.
But what kills me the most at THIS moment in time is the realization that tomorrow may be the last time I ever have lunch with my father. I don't know if we'll ever have this opportunity again. I don't know if "she" knows or if he's going behind her back. I just know that for one time in 30 years, he's chosen ME.
This trip is all about my grandmother, though. Because she is the one I'm most worried about never seeing again. She's 90 years old and was living in an assisted living home. Healthy as can be, but depressed. Doing okay, though. Then she fell and broke her hip. She'll be in the hospital for God knows how long and then... then I just know she'll go to the nursing home. She will never get her spirit back. She's going to give up.
Tomorrow is really going to suck in a lot of ways.
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