A letter to you in Life's hard pill to swallow

Dear Esther,
Well, you will probably never read this or maybe you will, who knows. Last week we talked about one of my greatest fears, when people I love get close to me and leave. Well, I shared this thought with you and I got answer that I never expected. You said that you being in my life would not be a guarantee and I felt my heart sink through me and fall face down on the cold hard floor of my room. Never did I or even could I imagine a world without you, but I guess sb had to tell me. I have lived an naive life as I shut myself out from everyone and sheltered myself from being hurt. I build a tall and strong tower with the aim of protecting the delicate parts that are my emotions. I hid them and ignored them until I got to a state of being numb. I could no longer be hurt by anyone and anything. Not even my hard past could break me down. Then bit by bit, you shoveled your way through. But in a way, you weren’t really digging through to get to me, no, you got me to lower my defenses by showing me that I was worth loving and caring for. You taught me so much and yet you didn’t even know the change you were bringing in me. Eventually, with time, I reciprocated what I received and we built this bond that even words can’t explain. You became incredibly valuable and my treasure. However, the fact that you might not always be there came to light and I got scared. I refused to believe it. Denial crept over me like a shadow in the dark and fear encroached me, leaving me broken. And the tears began to flow. I needed some time to process this and I needed a way out. So I logged onto prose box and wrote my feelings. I wasn’t expecting a response, till one person commented that you saw sth in me and that IS in me. Thinking about it for a while, I am slowly coming to accept the fact that yeah, you wont always be there in my life, but you will be in my heart and my mind for eternity. That what you have taught me shall be a permanent part of me and I’m so happy for that. I sincerely hope that we are blessed enough to be with each other forever. Oh my gosh! I have so many things I want to say about you and I will with time but in a different entry or book rather. But, if you ever do leave, you will be my favorite chapter in the story of my life.