There's a honest limit to how much I can talk about that situation without confusing me even more. So I will just type here what I told Rida, because I can't really describe better my relationship with Ida in better words than this.
"it's like, yeah I'm upset that Ida's gone. It's been a seven year-old friendship that is gone but as much as I wish I could feel anything but disappointment, I can't. I've known since mid-october? That this wasn't supposed to be. From her reactions to 'what do you want for wedding!', I've known. She answered 'whatever', 'you pick', 'you choose!' to every single question I've asked her. So I've got myself prepared in some way, while doing everything that i could, even going to Norway to see her, to meet her parents. I couldn't send her gifts because shit, I often had only 10-15$ a week to eat! So I was preparing myself, getting what I could for the wedding ready, knowing that I ought to keep these things ready to be dismantled real quick. So life can try to flatten me but I'm just gonna bite her in the ass and fight until I have no fighting spirit inside of me. My lungs may be crappy anf shit, but I refuse to let myself be down down, at the end of my rope over something I knew wouldn't work. She was upset because I analyzed stuff, because I analyzed her the same way I would analyze geopolitics but that's just how I do. I considered her a nice country until she grew more and more like Lebanon. Damn nice from the exterior point of view, but tortured, wrecked, and at war with herself from the inside. I was ready to help her out because that's what you do when a country is demanding help, but at some point, my little analyst mind was overwhelmed and NATO would have been necessary to fix what Canada couldn't fix. So that's it. She tried to change what makes my core my core. She told me that I should stop overanalyzing things. I said 'nope'. You can't take that away from me because that's how I understand my surroundings."
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