Ernie went to sleep last Friday. It was, and still is, utterly devastating.
I’ll tell the full story some other time.
Things are pretty shit in all areas right now. I had to ask my mother for a loan to try and dig myself out of some stupid debt. My dog is dead. My relationship isn’t in a good place and we’re fighting and tired all the time. My apartment is a DISASTER. I need to tell M that I am not comfortable driving any more because I’m just losing my SHIT and taking really stupid and irresponsible risks. Until I get my shit together, I just can’t do it. My hair has been falling out quite a bit over the last month, I even find it in clumps in my bed. Hopefully my stress levels go down soon. I have noticed that I’ve stopped gagging at every single thing, it’s only a couple of times a day now, so that’s progress. I think I might have finally shifted another two pounds (being a total of 22 pounds down), but it’s still sort of bouncing up and down so I don’t know. I’ve reached a balance point between the amount of activity I do versus the amount of food I eat when stoned, so I actually have to be a bit more conscious about that. My sister is in New Zealand and she borrowed a phone to message with me about Ernie, which I appreciate a LOT… but I’m looking forward to her getting back to Australia so I can just text normally with her. I need her. And I need my brothers. At least now I can plan a visit back. My mother will pay, of course, because I’m a shit child. But we were quietly waiting on Ernie before making any plans. They haven’t called me yet to come and collect his ashes. I need that, too. I need him home so I can start moving forward. I don’t know what we’ll even do with him, but I can NOT bury him in New Mexico and then leave him here when we eventually move. I refuse to leave him behind.
Okay I guess you’re updated now.
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