My father failed as a dad. That’s facts. But he also didn’t have it easy himself. His childhood wasn’t all sunshine. His dad was a really abusive man, beating his children as well as his wife, a man who couldn’t control his anger and who wasn’t a friend of the law himself. When he was 14, his parents got divorced, he had to live 6 months with his dad and 6 months with his mom before he could decide who he wanted to stay with. This was a really hard time for him. He didn’t feel save and home wherever he was and found security and family by his friends. That’s where everything started going downhill. My dad was a smart guy, but going through this rough time made him lose interest in school and gain interested in drugs. He stopped going to school and shortly got kicked out of the higher level school he went to, automatically he got send to an ordinary level school near by but his attendance didn’t improve and due to a lack of this he also had to leave these and went to a foundation level school, the lowest level of school you can go to. He didn’t change his behavior and since the school couldn’t kick him out they called the police to search for him and escort him in several times. He didn’t care. All he cared about were his friends, girls and drugs. He decided to live with his mother since this was the more welcoming home but also there he wasn’t happy. They lived in a small apartment with his half-siblings but they never had a great relationship and as soon as they all moved out they cut each other out off their lifes and never talked again. The only one in his family my dad still talks to is his mom, shes also the only one i know of his side of the family.
When he moved out he moved in a shared home with some of his friends. They had a messy house with some stray cats and drugs all over the place. Non of them really planned to do anything with their life, their were all just living from day to day, trying to get enough money to stay alive and afford their drugs. My dad worked in different jobs from being a mechanic to working in a hospital he tried everything. One day he went to buy new stuff for his car and met my mom who appeared to work their. They got on great and started dating. Together they were a good team, at least at the beginning. Both of them came from broken homes, lived on a low budged and my mom wasn’t against weed either, in contrast to my dad did she still get her life sorted, had a stable income and didn’t do hard drugs. Both were kind of against the system and just living their best life. Nothing against that. My dad got a dog, an Irish setter, and they went together with him to Morocco with their old and colorful VW-Van. They made plans to meet up with friends who took their holidays in the same region, but they never showed up. Later my parents got to know that their friends, a young couple, got attacked and tied up. A bunch of man raped the women while they forced her boyfriend to watch everything. After they finished they left the couple half dead, the young women with serious injuries and traumatized due to the gang rape and the boyfriend stabbed with a knife, helpless behind. My mom begged my dad to return home since she didn’t feel save in a country with zero women rights. They returned home safely and eventually my mom became pregnant with me. That’s when everything changed. As soon as she knew i was on the way she quit smoking and drinking, stayed away from drugs and put more effort in having a save and clean environment for a baby. My dad didn’t like neither understood anything like that, he kept offering her drugs and cigarettes and acted irresponsible as always. At this time they lived in a little old house with like 7 cats and a dog.
When i was born my moms world changed completely. She tried to keep everything bad away from me, all the drugs and the huge mess my dad always got himself into. But he didn’t understand. He didn’t want to understand. It wasn’t easy for my mom, my dad thought she became boring and wasn’t home too often. After a few weeks she had to return to work and my dad stayed home to mind me since he didn’t have a proper job anyways. But he failed. Over and over again. Some days my mom came home and found me all alone, just with the dog next to me. When she rang my dad he just said she should chill out a bit and he had to meet up with the lads and that he left the dog to mind me. What a joke. Other days she came home and all hsi friends were in the living room, baby me on the floor surrounded by baggies of weed, pills, speed and coke. Smoke everywhere. My dad didn’t see anything wrong with it. Why should he change just because he has a baby now? My mom did all she could to protect me, keep the house clean, bring money home and cook for everyone. Nearly a year after i was born she gave him an ultimatum: change or we’re gone. He didn’t change at all and made a joke of her, 1 day before my first birthday my mother packed a bag and left with me. An even harder time started for her, being a single mom with a full time job and no one to support you is not easy but at least she knew me save and gave me the best future i could have had.
Shortly after my dad opend his own praxis for occupational therapy and found his passion in there. We didn’t have a lot of contact and he never paid the child support he owed my mom what lead to her suing him for it. Things kind of got sorted even tho he still never pays but we found a way to handle it. 2 years after my mom left him he got with his current partner, they are together since more then 15 years now and i genuinely don’t know how shes still with him. I think at this point she somewhat depends on him because they have a daughter together and for various reasons she can’t raise her alone. Later on i figured out that he “cheated” on my mom as well as my step mom and has 3 other daughters i didn’t know about. I found them on Instagram and talked to the oldest, she is nearly my age and they all seem lovely. I have never met them and we don’t talk about their existence. I also never knew about his drug consume until i reached a certain age because my mom really tried to hide it from me. I obviously noticed that he doesn’t just smoke tobacco and that the baggies not contain flour or sugar but i never really thought about it. As older as i get as more questions i asked. He often has “friends” coming over for like 10 minutes because “They have to pick something up” and at the latest when he laughed at me and said ” hunny i dont pay, people pay me” when i asked how much he pays for his stuff, I realized that the times that he just consumes are long over. I dont know where he gets it from, if he buys it and resells or if he grows himself but to be honest i dont know if i even wanna know that.
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