No one told me how empty life becomes once you have nothing to look forward to…
I’ve just graduated from college and started working in my chosen field. For a while it was nice. I enjoy the work I do and it brings me a sense of fulfillment. It keeps me busy which I particularly enjoy. But when I’m not working, it’s like I don’t exist anymore. I don’t have any friends to hang out with because they are busy working/studying/job hunting. Not too mention they live so far away. Family isn’t exactly an option either as much as I love them.
I have nothing to look forward to. I miss having that. It used to be graduation, videos, game nights, and friends. But now…
How do people live like this? Do people live like this or is it just me? I refuse to believe I’m a special case. I sit at home alone all day, just to wake up and work all night. Maybe I am homesick for my college campus. Even when there was nothing to do, I could at least walk around the quad and enjoy the night air. Or I could walk through the hiking trails far away from other people so I could sing as loudly, and as badly, as I wanted. Can’t do those things when you live in the middle of nowhere.
Time is moving and with it everything is changing- growing. Yet, I feel like I am stuck in place. I’ll never change, never move, never do what I’d like as my life is dictated by those with expectations. My entire life has been focused on getting the next task done. Walk, talk, read, write, study, school, college, work… but I don’t know what comes next. I’m expected to work my entire life and be happy about it? Again, I love my job and the work that I do, but if working is all I am good for… then it’s like I’m not even alive. My existence is defined and confined to that one scene, one place, at one time. Ironically, my life is like a movie. I repeat the same motions day in and day out as many times as the viewer wishes for me too. And that’s the only option I have. There’s nothing more, nothing less than what is expected. I wish someone had told me.
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