I visited Caitlin (a friend I've known since 7th grade from Ohio) in C-ville over the weekend... the weather was really nice on Saturday and even though it was overcast when I drove back yesterday, I never actually hit rain. So I took the opportunity to just take random roads east and north and ended up seeing a lot of battlefields, I saw Montpelier, went through the birthplace of Zachary Taylor, etc...
I am trying to remember the last time I saw Caitlin. I think it was the day before I was going to finally ask Scott out (and that same day he started dating his now-wife). That was in 2010 I believe, probably also March or so. Anyway, she's living in a small but quaint 2 bedroom, 1 bath house that she and her long-term boyfriend have been renting. Apparently he moved to C-ville 3 or 4 years ago but they were long distance for 4 years and he actually got his BFA from, of all places, Minneapolis College of Art and Design. And apparently the two of them were discussing maybe moving up there in the next 3 years.
Cori still hasn't heard from Cincinnati. I just... I'm as antsy as he is. Minnesota told him they would like an answer for their social work program by this Friday, but how can he say "yes" to them when he still hasn't even heard from Baltimore or VCU and still has to have a phone interview with WVU and hear back from Cincy ? I'm hoping Cincy tells him this week or I'm going to flip out.
He also decided he's going to walk in their graduation ceremony which... makes me angry. I asked him months ago if he would because I wanted to be there. Well, he made the decision to walk at the last second and it's May 8th which means it's right after I'm driving to and from Ohio the weekend after Easter. If I'd known earlier, I'd have told Amanda I would've preferred us and Heather meeting up in Ohio the first week of April but it's too late to change plans now. And plane tickets are actually not that expensive (compared to what I've paid before--but they are still pricey). And I was thinking either I could come out earlier and leave the day after he graduates so that he'll have a couple nights off (he works overnights but not the beginning 3 nights of the week) or come out the day before he graduates and stays the weekend but then he kept talking about how he has to work.
Yeah, so... I know he needs to make money. I know this is a good job for him. But they technically do have another 2 people who can do overnight shifts and I was surprised that, since this would be the 2nd week in May and he started this job 3 weeks ago, he'd offer to maybe switch shifts with somebody or even just request off ONE night (hell, I may even be able to go to work with him) but he didn't suggest it on his own and I don't want to be like "If I visit you, I want you to take a couple nights off !" Especially because I know that's what always bugged me about Amanda; she had no qualms about me missing 5-6 days of work but she never had to request weekends off (since she has a "real" job) and would usually just do a Friday/Monday thing. Or a half day. Granted I was generally part time and she was full time but still.
In any case, I don't have income right now so... I don't want to be (to my parents) like, "Buy me a plane ticket instead of getting my gifts for my birthday because my birthday is in May !" I technically could pay for a ticket but since I'm still looking for a job, that's a car payment. So yeah.
But even mom was upset for me because she remembered me saying that I wanted to be there if he walked since it's unlikely anyone else will be there. Which actually brings up an entirely different can of worms that I don't feel like going into...
To end, because of my depression and anxiety and worthlessness over the last several months, and finally having health insurance, Cori and my mom and others convinced me to start seeing a therapist. Especially when I got so sick in January and February but all my tests were coming back normal, everyone started thinking I was stressing myself out so much that my body was turning on itself. So I saw one guy twice but due to the topic we glossed on during my 2nd session, he suggested one of the women (actually he's the only male therapist at my "home" location) who specializes in sexual assault victims but also everything else that's "wrong" with me. So I'll start seeing her on Thursday... we'll see if she can help me stop panicking all the time and being so depressed and anxious and jealous and angry. This is not who I am, but not being able to find a job and not being sure I will be "okay" moving out of my parents' home and feeling sick frequently and missing my boyfriend... all these things are eating away at me to the point where I don't think people like being around me anymore.
So we'll see.
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